I think I was asked out in a date the other day... I'm generally really oblivious to male attention. I grew up kind of as the ugly duckling, played a lot of sports and to this day the majority of my friends are male, we just click better . Women are generally too high strung a bit irrational and overally emotional, apparently break ups turn me into much the same animal. According to S, he always said I was one of the most stunning girls he's ever met... I would always make a a crunchy face because as he astutely pointed out... I have no idea .
Everytime I have to rehash the story of how and why we've broken up it becomes a little more real. It takes me a little bit longer to get to the point of tears ( although I always do) and it seems a little less like a bad dream that I desperately want to wake up from. I crave contact with him like crazy. Just another conversation just another hug just another anything. How can someone who always showed his care and affection for me just disappear like that. Vanished without any concern about how I'm doing? But the more I think about it the more I realize that it's for the best. He needs his time. And chances are it hurts him too to see me soul wrenchingly upset, heaving with tears.
I don't think going on a date is a good idea. People say that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone but.. That's neither fair to myself nor to the other person. I'm not over S . So much of me wants us to just get over this rough patch and everything will be fine again whether it be days months... Even years. I'm not sure this Is something I will ever or want to ever recover from. I miss him dearly... That's all. No lesson to be learnt no epiphany to be reached.
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