I couldn't go to work today. I went to bed with every intention of having discipline carrying on like the strong independent woman I thought I was.. But I couldn't. I can't understand how the world keeps turning, how the sun keeps shining, when such a big part of my world has been taken away. He was part of my life my routine. The anticipation of that first *ping* in the morning saying good morning. Looking forward to getting through my day to see his handsome face over the internet, going through the mundane details of our daily lives like they were gems to be relished, getting us through another day spent seperated. And of course always ending every conversation with "I love you" because it took us a while to get there and I couldn't ever tell him enough.
I love you. Such loaded words. For a relationship so greatly calculated so thought out I actually let "I love you" slip. We were on the phone I was eagerly awaiting his arrival and before hanging up "love ya!" Silence. Awkward silence. Maybe he didn't hear me maybe he was going to ignore it. After we nonchalantly danced around the issue for what seemed like an eternity, finally "you know I care about you deeply, that Ive loved you for a Long time" elation.butterflies. Happiness that I didn't know I could feel.not just because the boy I loved loved me back, but also that I was comfortable enough with this boy to let go of my inhibitions and give up my heart and my love screw what came. We knew we were going to get hurt either way, we had already started dealing with the impending reality of him leaving. But it didn't matter. It wasn't convenient love. It was love that persevered through uncertainty and chaos. Love that I thought would persevere.
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